there's a children's song about this
by emilyforprez
Summary: & he doesn't dwell on it for a moment more.


**A/N:** THIS WAS NOT MY IDEA. **Court**, from GGI, mentioned this and I thought it was an opportunity for fluff. The first Dair fluff I've ever done. Oh, yes, I'm surprised.

* * *

"Humphrey."

The voice is dark, cold, determined, and Dan blanches immediately from where he sits. He'd know the manipulative spark anywhere, and so he further buries his nose into the depths of his book, hoping if he pretends for long enough, she'll somehow disappear.

But life never has worked out quite the way he hopes, and when Dan's eyes peer slightly above the text, she's standing above him with a tenacious upturn of her lips, her chin lifted stubbornly. Whatever the argument, Dan already knows he's going to lose. She will victor as per usual, and he'll fall to her demands, as the world seemed to do.

Blair smiles at him then. Dan is distinctly reminded of a rabid dog on the verge of biting, baring her teeth in a warning. It would certainly make her a bitch. Chuckling inwardly at his own lame joke, he forces himself to remain calm and lucid on the outside.

"I need a favor, Humphrey."

Those are the words that seal his fate, and her smile is but the hot wax stamping the envelope.

"What kind of favor?"

* * *

"She needs to breathe."

"Breathe, Dorota." Blair's eyes are wide and her voice is trembling. "For fuck's sake, Cabbage Patch, try something else!"

"Tell her to..." Dan grasps for the knowledge he knows he possesses; all those late nights watching old reruns of hospital shows must've done something for him. But he was never interested in the medical field, and he has no idea. "Tell her to do that _hee-hoo_ thing."

Blair attempts to imitate the sound; she must realize she looks positively ridiculous, but for once, Dan doesn't think she cares. "_Hee-hoo_, Dorota. That _hee-hoo_ thing!"

Dorota's eyes are frightened and she seems worried that her baby's life is currently in the hands of two college students in the back of an old truck. Dan glances up to find Willow whistling quietly at the wheel, seemingly uninterested in the scene in the back. Blair had come to him with Dorota ready to pop, and they had promptly jumped into his friend's car and drove off.

"Humphrey, you're not helping worth a damn." Despite her harsh words, Blair's hand is stroking Dorota's forehead lovingly, like a mother would care for a sick child. Dan is momentarily awed by the gesture, but shakes off the surprise.

"I'm trying here!" It's true; he is. It's not like he expected this. "Tell her to remain calm?"

Blair glares at him and Dorota releases a long stream of Polish words under her breath, presumably curses.

Another scream splits the air as Blair sends her murderous daggers his way once more, lip curling with a snarl. "I'm going to kill you." He doesn't doubt it.

* * *

After the excitement and thrill of the car ride, the arrival is actually quite tedious. There's a lot of waiting, which requires a lot of patience, something Blair Waldorf does not have at the moment. Dan is tired, though, and so he finds no hardship in curling up on the cold hospital chair and closing his eyes. He doesn't sleep, but merely stays in the limbo between dreams and reality.

Blair's pacing brings his attention back to reality.

"Can you calm down?"

Blair snaps her eyes to him, all coldness and fire and anger. Her cheeks are flushed despite the air conditioning, and her heels are clacking obnoxiously on the floor as she stomps back and forth. "No."

The way she utters the word makes Dan believe she's telling the whole truth, and he doesn't argue.

* * *

By the time Blair collects herself, it is evening, and Dorota's cries have quieted. Blair seats herself next to Dan on the hospital chair.

"Shouldn't Vanya be here?" Dan gives voice to his recent doubts, skeptically raising a brow. He knows for a fact that the two love each other very much; far too much to miss such an important event.

Blair shrugs. "I called him a while ago. He's calling Dorota's family, and who knows how long that could take?" Blair pauses for a moment, and a look of absolute amusement flashes across her face. "I think he's honestly afraid of being a father, you know."

Dan smiles once and doesn't reply. He shares a moment of completely peaceful silent with his worthy adversary, blinking numb, tired eyes in the direction of Dorota's room. Blair is silent beside him.

When she finally sleeps, her head is uncomfortably resting on his shoulder, and Dan can do little more than sit there and wait.

* * *

It's bright and quiet when Dan awakes, and Blair is still asleep on his shoulder, her soft breath fanning against his clothes. It takes a moment for him to understand where he is, but he remembers in a heartbeat, and nudges Blair beside him. Her eyes flutter open.

"It's silent," Dan explains, gesturing to the room.

Before Blair can answer, a man bursts from Dorota's door, proudly displaying a newborn in his outstretched arms.

Dan doesn't know how to react. The baby's skin is red and covered in an odd liquid, and he pales uncomfortably; next to him, Blair's fingers curl into fists. Her eyes are wide as moons, her lips agape in shock.

"It's a boy," explains the doctor.

Blair grins almost at once.

Before Dan can even understand, her arms are thrown over his neck, and she's hugging him with enthusiasm he never expected to ever belong to her.

It feels nice, he thinks to himself in the back of his mind. It feels kind of nice.

* * *

"I'll bet that was fun."

Jenny's voice is laced with sarcasm and rough humor, her eyes skeptical as he relates the tale, leaving out the unexpected end, of course.

Dan doesn't quite know how to answer, and so he simply shrugs with a nod.

"It was interesting," he agrees.


End file.
